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NAME GAME CONFIDENTIAL Imagine a band called The Quarrymen was the greatest pop band ever? Right, sounds like a wrestling tag team. Luckily for us, Lennon, Macca and Harrison dropped their original garage-by-numbers handle and replaced it with something with a little more snap: The Silver Beatles. Er, less snap than that. The Beatles. Simple, clean, coy. Lesson learned: Behind every successful band there's an embarrassing moniker on the junk heap. In some cases a band's first good career move is changing their name. |
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DAD ROCK CONFIDENTIAL My mom and dad came to visit for Christmas. It was rad — plate-loads of shortbread cookies, a big turkey stuffed to the fowl-ass with fixings, and stockings loaded up with Purdy's chocolate and Archie comics. On the 26th, my moms and lil' bro went shopping, and to fill the conversational void left by the two chirpiest members of our immediate family, I played some records for my dad and discussed their merits with him. |
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ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL Ever since Sgt. Pepper ushered pop's evolution from carefree danceability ("Twist And Shout") to ambitious experimentation ("A Day In The Life"), 'I'm in art school' has been your basic cultural shorthand for 'Looking for a band, eh'. After all, what better place to find like-minded musicos than an institution teeming with innovative talent, experimental energy and pretension? Here, the Conspiracy singles out the most notable artistes who ended up trading brush strokes for distortion pedals. |
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JAZZ SNOB CONFIDENTIAL We jazz fans love the fact that nobody "gets" us. Even within jazz circles, we're constantly trying to prove our collection is more esoteric. So the next time buddy trumps you with some piece of ridiculous trivia you don't give a crap about — "No, I can honestly say I've never heard alternate take # 37 of Ornithology where you can hear Bird blow his nose" — and spends the rest of the night with a smug look on his face, here are nine kick-ass albums that might help you turn the tables. |
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YEAR-END CONFIDENTIAL: THE BEST OF 2003 There were tears, fisticuffs and more hissy fits than a 5th grade sleepover, but more than anything there was drama: Junior Senior or Hot Hot Heat? Beyoncé or the Fiery Furnaces? Whither MF Doom? Will Cat Power score that coveted #8 position? How many bearded troubadours does it take to screw in a lightbulb? And just how hot was Cousin Itt (hint: very)? What did the Conspiracy love? (And what went down like haterade?) These were a few of our favorite things in 2003. |
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KID ROCK CONFIDENTIAL There's no doubt that Zack Attack, Turkey Sub and the rest of Jack Black's School of Rock protégés raised the goblet of rock and kicked some ass. But pre-pubescent rockers are nothing new. In fact, all the masters - Little Stevie Wonder, Donnie Osmond, Shirley Temple - shook their moneymakers and shook it hard. So how do the rest stack up? As the Conspiracy finds out, the kids are mostly alright. |
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HAIR METAL CONFIDENTIAL "Ratt is a seriously underrated band!" I remember telling my high school buddies about 14 years ago. That was probably about five years after I first heard Mötley Crüe's "Looks That Kill" and "Shout at the Devil," the two songs that changed my life. In fact, through the better part of the '80s, L.A. glam was all I listened to. So yeah, I still remember the secrets and subtleties of hair metal. Listen up, you ironic Darkness-lovin', Andrew W.K.-rockin' 20 year-olds: School's in session. |
