Swings hard

Buddy, we said Gene Ammons

Saw him do it on Arsenio

Actual French musician

Biggest sax in three counties

I mean it, man

And for an encore, I present Diana Krall

Miles says, Don't be a loser

1. Duke Ellington - Three Suites [1960, Columbia]
Sure, the fact that it opens with Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite means it's basically a Christmas album. But dude, listen to it: It swings as hard as Ellington or Basie's best. And when you're looking for obscure albums, the fact that it should be cheesy as hell (but isn't) works to your advantage.

2. Gene Ammons' All Stars - The Big Sound [1958, Original Jazz]
What you're really buying this for is the first track: Five woodwinds grunt out old-school gospel blues accompanied by a relaxed rhythm section. Gene Ammons' sound on tenor feels like a punch in the gut which, believe it or not, is a good thing. Plus you get to hear John Coltrane play alto sax, which is extremely rare and exciting for a jazz snob.

3. Béla Fleck & The Flecktones - Live Art [1991, Warner]
Manic banjo player Béla Fleck, acrobatic bassist Victor Wooten and synth-axe drumitar-guy Future Man have to be seen to be believed, but if you can't scalp a ticket off one of their Deadhead fans, this is the next best thing. The band gets extra esoteric points because Future Man created his own instrument. Highlights: the slapping, popping, funky bass solos on Amazing Grace and Sinister Minister, not only because you won't believe your ears, but because Wooten is also doing backflips as he plays. Seriously. I saw him do it on Arsenio.

4. Prysm - Second Rhythm [1999, Blue Note]
This is French jazz, with actual French musicians, which means it's automatically obscure. But Pierre de Bethmann, Benjamin Henocq and Christophe Wallemme are a tight trio, and their rich harmonies and percussive melodies make for an album that rivals a steaming pile of Freedom Fries from McDonald's. And you know how I like McDonald's.

5. Courtney Pine - Underground [1997, Verve]
The "serious jazz musician" + hip hop turntablist combo gets a bad, uh, rap, and usually for good reason. Pine actually makes it work. Plus, he's interesting because he's like the Gus Van Sant of jazz — he keeps remaking the same album for some reason that nobody but him will ever understand. (On this, Modern Day Jazz Stories and Back In The Day tracks 2 and 4 are upbeat hard-bop, track 3 is a slow, soulful ballad sung by a female guest vocalist, and track 9 is a loud, screechy Pine showoff piece. This album's the best of the three.)

6. Eddie "Cleanhead" Vinson With the Cannonball Adderley Quintet - Cleanhead & Cannonball [1988, MilesTone]
Another cross-genre project. This time it's bebop and r&b, but like, old school r&b — like, Cleanhead sings and plays sax and that's just normal. This album's great because back then r&b was about the music, man, not the money and the bitches and the Hummers and the Pepsi commercials. Back then it was real and true, yo! For real! (Oh wait, I wasn't alive then. I wouldn't know.)

7. Metalwood - 3 [2001, Maximum Music]
Back in the late 50s, the coolest college kids liked jazz. Miles' fame was launched by the edgy indie college radio stations that played his records when nobody else would. Later, jazz became your parents' music, but recently a few artists have been redeveloping a hardcore fan base among the younger set. Check out a Brad Meldhau, John Scofield or Medeski, Martin and Wood concert for proof. Metalwood is Canada's most accomplished jazz-funk outfit, and this album is their best record. (Critics liked their follow-up The Recline better, but only because it was more conventional.) The irony is that this is their most creative work precisely because they borrow most of the sounds on it: from jungle, hip hop, techno, etc. When middle-aged jazz musicians try to pop up their music with something 'hipper', it's usually a recipe for disaster. A big-bottomed, stinky, embarrassing disaster. Here, it works.

8. André 3000 - The Love Below [2003, La Face]
Your typical jazz purist doesn't own this because he doesn't think it's jazz. Whatever. Even ignoring the jazzier tracks — a fiery piano-driven breakbeat version of My Favorite Things and André's mocking forays into lounge lizard territory — it's so playfully experimental yet so unapologetically throwaway that it almost feels like an off-the-cuff improvised solo. And if you don't buy that, Norah Jones is on it.

9. Miles Davis - Kind Of Blue [1959, Classic]
Okay, so your snobby jazz friend owns this. Your mom owns it. Your thirteen-year-old sister has it, nestled in between Justin and Good Charlotte. But — and I don't care if this makes me an anti-snob — it's okay, because it's so good. So. Good. Besides, if all those people own it and you don't, that must make you a loser.

Mark Moyes used to get kicked out of parties in high school for compulsively sneaking Coltrane and Mingus onto the stereo at 2 A.M.